Foundations are the most important part of any structure; we all know that. A good foundation will remain in place through floods, tornadoes, fires, and even earthquakes. From an outhouse to a skyscraper, you can build anything you want with the proper foundation. Now, how does that all tie into being a father? I’m so glad you asked.

If you haven’t clicked on over to the “about me” tab, then you missed the part where I have 7 kids and didn’t become a follower of Christ till 2018. That means I raised all of my kids until that point as an atheist. My foundation for fatherhood was built for an outhouse, pretty crappy huh. Don’t get me wrong, I grew up with a great father and he’s still a big part of my life. He is one of my “Mount Rushmore’s” for people that have influenced and guided me throughout my life. But MY foundation that I built for my own kids, was weak and to be honest, thrown together as I went along. I love my kids deeply and anyone close to me knows that I do pretty much everything with them in mind. Decisions are made based on what’s best for them, for the most part (Kayla included in this as well). They have more than I had growing up, but they also have expectations and responsibilities within the family (as should the father, right?). But all those things are just the structure and the facade. It’s always looked good from the outside, but would it weather the storms, the natural disasters, and the instability of life itself?

When I accepted Christ, I found out really quick that my outhouse foundation needed to be rebuilt, so that greater things could be built upon it. Now, I couldn’t just go and smash everything apart, jackhammer the foundation up, and build a new one at this point. My wife and kids witnessed a major change in me, and it was affecting their lives like it had never done before. It was a shock to the system. Church on EVERY Sunday, Wednesday night church online, Youth on Thursday, serving once a month on Saturdays, praying before meals, helping me with Kid’s Ministry, etc. It was a lot and it all came fast. There were countless things that the old “crap-house” foundation held up that I didn’t want to see torn apart. I had to do something unique, something solid, and something I knew could hold the weight of what’s to come.

I DUG DEEP. I submersed myself in scripture, podcasts, worship music, and serving the Lord. That all sounds great until I realized that all I was doing was building a separate shop with a great foundation. One where I could go and do all these things, and be all these things, and grow myself. In doing all that I separated myself from the very foundation I intended to rebuild for my family. I had to keep telling myself that this wasn’t going to be a weekend project. I had to really focus on what needed to be done for them, too. So I tried implementing everything I was learning into our relationships at home. Some things worked, some didn’t…..teenagers! Some of the things we were already doing together, like eating as a family, having game nights, and various family-oriented activities and outings. However, what I snuck into those experiences was “God stuff”. Some of it wasn’t even verbal, it was the act of being present with them. It was the act of listening and acknowledging everyone’s feelings more than I did in the past. It was the silence in which they felt safety and comfort. Slowly, but more intentionally the foundation is being rebuilt.

All this might look different for you, maybe your foundation as a father or mother is solid. Maybe you’re way ahead of me with your own skyscraper, but I believe we are all trying (at least if you’re still reading this) to get those footings and forms built just right to create the best foundation we can. It’s an active project for me, hence the title “building” not “built”. I’m still working on areas I know need to be deeper for growth above. I’m still chiseling away at the crap in the middle of the previous outhouse foundation, but it’s worth it. At the end of the day, if everything comes crashing down or gets blown away, the foundation is what you stand on and rebuild.

 For no one can lay any foundation other than the one we already have—Jesus Christ.

– 1 Corinthians 3:11 NLT