Marriage! What a mixed bag of emotions, challenges, and opinions this topic brings out. I’ve heard over and over from older couples that marriage is a 50/50 partnership, especially when they give advice to young newlyweds. Maybe it’s what they believe, maybe it works for them, or maybe it’s just what they say to encourage couples to both put forth the effort in the relationship. In my experience and opinion, it’s not 50/50 at all. It’s just 100. It’s about giving 100% and keeping it 100 at the same time. What the heck does that even mean? Well, we need to define what society says marriage is, and we need to define what scripture tells us. The formal definition according to Google is…..

NOUN

1. the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship

Google Dictionary

There’s some good stuff that I will bring out of that definition and discuss. Now, we need to define what the Bible says marriage is…..

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

Genesis 2:24 NIV

Ok, I’ll admit that Genesis is somewhat vague on the process, legality, and requirements. There are more versus that touch on marriage, but I’m going to just refer to this simple verse for now. It’s pretty easy to work with to be honest.

There’s one thing that both definitions clearly state. “Union of two people as partners” and “they become one flesh”. In both explanations, two become one. If that’s the case, then marriage is 100% of one thing. The word “partners” also stands out. When you are partnered with someone you both have to account for the entirety of the relationship. Also, “becoming one flesh” can be better understood if you think of clay. If you were to take two batches of wet clay and mold them together to make one bowl, then the bowl is one, made from two. Neither side of the bowl takes more than the other. I know what you’re going to say “Justin, you’re taking it too literal, what they mean is that it takes 50% of each spouse to make the 100%. I disagree, and the general idea of what I’m about to explain is not my revelation or discovery. I have heard this explained loosely somewhere but cannot cite the exact explanation. I’ll be adding some of my own perspectives on the matter.

I believe the 50/50 came about in reference to assigned duties as a couple. One spouse is responsible for dishes, clothes, household chores. While the other is responsible for income, homework, and cooking. With most marriages that approach has value. However, what happens when the one responsible for dishes, doesn’t do them for 3 days? The other spouse tends to resent them for being “lazy” or not holding up their end of the 50/50. That can turn healthy marriages into toxic environments. Not performing to “unsaid” expectations can be devastating. So that’s why I believe the whole 50/50 is not a healthy or wise piece of advice. It’s more than that.

Here we go. Marriage is the continuance of staying at 100% at all times. Yes, 50/50 equals 100%, but that would mean both parties are only supposed to give 50% of the 100% in order to have a healthy marriage. That doesn’t make sense to me. For example, if I am at 30%, my wife should be at 70% so that our marriage stays at 100% and vice versa. There are times when my wife is sick, or maybe she’s had a rough day. She might come home at 20%. That’s the que for me to step up and fill that 80% gap myself. We can’t both be lower values that add up to less than 100%. If we are both at 30%, then our marriage will begin to suffer and become unhealthy. We MUST recognize this when it happens. How do we do that?

Well, that’s where the other 100 comes in. The other 100 is slang for keeping it real or honest, “keeping it 100”. Keeping it 100 comes with communication. CONSTANT COMMUNICATION. How else will you know where your spouse is from day to day or even hour to hour? Constant communication with one another is not the only tool to be used in keeping everything 100. You HAVE to be truthful when keeping it 100. None of this “I’m fine” horse crap. When something is eating at one of us, we both know that it’s better to at least voice it and get it out in the open. Even if that results in some arguing or silence, it’s better for each of us to know what we’re dealing with in order to restore a 100% status. Open and honest communication would be one of the biggest pieces of advice I’d give anyone looking to get married. Keep it 100.

There’s obviously a lot more to keeping your marriage healthy. I can list a dozen things that help in continuing a 100% relationship. I’ve met couples that have been married for 20 years, and they believe when something around the house isn’t done, its that one person’s fault that was tasked with doing it 20 years ago. It baffles me to think that a relationship can be healthy with unrealistic expectations and entitlement. Because that’s what it is at the core right? One of them feels entitled to receive the acts of the other and when they don’t, they feel let down instead of just doing the thing themselves. OK, OK….. I won’t go down the road of evaluating other peoples marriages. I can just tell you what I believe is a healthy approach to keeping your relationship strong. I think that’s it for now, let me go finish dinner!